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You have experienced
the worst society has to
offer, so why wouldn't you
feel the way you do?

- Sarah Peyton
Children Of Pain
Guest Speaker 08/15/21

If you hush up a ghost
it grows bigger.

- Greenlandic proverb

CHILDREN OF PAIN - 4 steps to recovery for survivors of childhood abuse - a weekly support group based upon the book Children Of Pain.

DOES IT COST ANYTHING? No, there are never any fees, dues, or donations. You can join these meetings for free, and you do not have to buy the book if you don't want to. Everything you'll need for the meetings can be downloaded for free from the materials page.

WHO STARTED THIS? - Robert Ben Mitchell started the Children Of Pain online support group meetings in February of 2021 to provide a free, safe place for survivors to gather, listen, share, learn and heal. He is a survivor from birth of seventeen years of violent sexual and physical abuse by his family which he wrote about in his 2018 book Speechless. Then, in January of 2021 he published Children Of Pain. He is currently working on a movie version of Speechless which is scheduled for release in the fall of 2024.

WHAT IS A CHILD OF PAIN? A child of pain is anyone who has survived any kind of childhood abuse: verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, neglect, etc. We come together in online, 4-step support group meetings to listen, to share, to learn, and to heal.

WHY GO TO THESE MEETINGS? As survivors of childhood abuse, we’ve always been told to be quiet and forget about what happened, leaving us to deal with the consequences all alone. Now, we have the opportunity to share with others who were abused like us, survived like us, feel like us, and cry like us, without blame or guilt. And, by sharing our stories together, the healing begins.

WHAT’S DIFFERENT ABOUT 4-STEP? If you’ve tried traditional 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA) before and were alienated by their insistence that you surrender or submit to God or a Higher Power, and their focus on self-blame, then 4-step was made just for you.

WHAT ARE THE 4 STEPS? For many survivors of childhood abuse, there are three major problems with traditional 12-step programs: higher power, surrender, submission, and self-blame. Removing each of these makes many of the 12 steps no longer relevant or necessary so that they can be condensed down into 4 steps (the 4 R’s):

1. recognize you are a child of pain
2. reach out for support
3. remember the abuse you endured
4. reclaim control of your life

WHEN WILL MEETINGS HAPPEN? Our last meeting was on April 24, 2022. At this time there are no meetings scheduled. Meetings were held every Sunday from 1pm to 3pm EST - Eastern Standard Time, which is New York City time.

WHO'S ALLOWED TO ATTEND? These meetings are open to anyone who is a child of pain and seeks to heal without religious overtones or dogma and without self-blame.

HOW DO I GET INTO A MEETING? The four ways to join our meetings (direct link, Zoom's homepage, iOS one-tap, and phone dial-in) are described on our zoom page. To protect everyone's privacy and safety, these are Zoom meetings with voice only and without any video (others can hear you if you choose to speak, but they can't see you), so please be sure your video camera is off throughout the entire meeting.

DO I HAVE TO TALK? No, you can just listen, but you will have the option to share at all meetings.

WHAT IF I MISS A MEETING? Attend as many meetings as you like, when you like. Each meeting is a separate event, so if you miss some you can restart at any time.

CAN I START MY OWN MEETING? Yes, if you feel inspired to do so, then please do. There are millions of people around the world who need help, and your help in reaching out to them with more weekly meetings would be greatly appreciated. If you do want to start a Children Of Pain meeting, please contact Robert at the email address below.

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for more information
contact robert at

created: 01/10/21
updated: 03/02/22