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WHAT IS A CHILD OF PAIN? A child of pain is anyone who has survived any kind of childhood abuse: verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, neglect, etc.


WHY GO TO THESE MEETINGS? As survivors of childhood abuse, we’ve always been told to be quiet and forget about what happened, leaving us to deal with the consequences all alone. Now, we have the opportunity to share with others who were abused like us, survived like us, feel like us, and cry like us, without blame or guilt. And, by sharing our stories together, the healing begins.


WHAT’S DIFFERENT ABOUT 4-STEP? If you’ve tried 12-step programs before and were alienated by their insistence that you surrender or submit to God or a Higher Power, and their focus on self-blame, then 4-step was made just for you.


WHAT ARE THE 4 STEPS? For many survivors of childhood abuse, there are three major problems with 12-step programs: higher power, surrender, submission, and blame. Removing each of these makes many of the 12 steps no longer relevant or necessary so that they can be condensed down into 4 steps (the 4 R’s):

1. recognize you are a child of pain
2. reach out for support
3. remember the abuse you endured
4. reclaim control of your life


WHEN WILL MEETINGS HAPPEN? The first meeting was held February 7th, 2021, from 1pm to 3pm EST, and it repeats every Sunday after that at the same time.


WHO'S ALLOWED TO ATTEND? These meetings are open to anyone who is a child of pain and seeks to heal without religious overtones or dogma and without self-blame.


HOW DO I GET INTO A MEETING? To protect everyone's privacy and safety, these are Zoom meetings but without any video, so you can just listen, or speak if you choose to which is optional. Either way, others can only hear you but not see you. So, to join these meetings, you must enter by phone (i-phone, andriod, landline, etc.). Both audio and video are blocked for anyone trying to enter by computer or internet link (desktop, laptop, palmtop, tablet, pc, etc.). Just call into one of the Zoom phone numbers, enter the meeting ID and then passcode and you're in! You can find the phone numbers, meeting ID and passcode on the times page.


DO I HAVE TO TALK? No, you can just listen, but you will have the option to share at all meetings.


DOES IT COST ANYTHING? No, there are never any fees, dues, or donations. You can join these meetings for free, and you don't have to buy the book if you don't want to. Everything you'll need for the meetings is posted here on the materials page.


WHAT IF I MISS A MEETING? Attend as many meetings as you like, when you like. Each meeting is a separate event, so if you miss some you can restart at any time.


CAN I START MY OWN MEETING? Yes, if you feel inspired to do so, then please do so. There are millions of people around the world who need help, and your help in reaching out to them would be greatly appreciated. If you do start a Children Of Pain meeting, please:

1. keep the meetings free.
2. focus on the 4-step program outlined in the book.
3. use the Children Of Pain logo at the top of this page.
4. contact me so I can list your meeting on the times page.


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for more information
contact robert at
trafn@yahoo.com